Would you ever believe that brokenness is a gift from God? Stephanie came to believe it is.
Questioning God’s plan.
Have you ever questioned God’s plan for your life? I certainly have. In 2013, I was in a near-fatal bicycle accident. I immediately sensed that life had changed, and as blood poured onto the ground, I felt as if my identity was seeping from my body as well. The facial reconstruction took months, and I didn’t know if I would ever look or feel normal again. The days were a blur of physical pain, and my mind was tormented by questions. Who would I be if I didn’t look the same? Why did God allow this to happen? Where was He in this pain? I felt as if God was hiding from me, and I spiraled into a deep depression.
Eventually, the questions and depression became too much to bear. Though my body was slowly healing, my spirit was broken. I wondered if God had made a mistake in leaving me here, and I wanted to run away from the physical and mental pain that I was living each day. My husband loved me unconditionally through these dark days. However, he was exhausted physically and emotionally from trying to keep my head above the deep waters we were wading through while working and caring for our sons. He wondered if God had spared my life in the accident for him to lose me to anxiety, depression, and fear.
Brokenness is a gift from God.
After one particularly terrible week, my husband begged me to see a Christian counselor with him. We began to see Melanie Lewis with Desperately Dependent Community (DDC). The ministry of DDC helped us see that brokenness is a gift from God because it teaches us to rely solely on Him. Melanie helped me process the anger and questions that I was wrestling with, and I began to look for God in my circumstances. I realized that God was not hiding from me, He was only waiting for me to see Him. Melanie helped my husband see that he could not be everything for me because the burden was too heavy. He realized that while he needed to love and serve, ultimately, it was God’s job to sustain me. My husband learned that if he relied on God to work through him, then he was not so overwhelmed.
What is normal anyway?
I still suffer from chronic pain from the accident, but the ministry of DDC has taught our family to process this through the truths of God’s Word. We surrender to this being part of God’s plan for us in this season, even while believing that He can physically heal the pain if He chooses to do so. My husband and I both serve in various ministries in our church and community, and it is our desire for God to use our lives as a testament to His faithfulness in all situations. One of the biggest questions I wrestled with during the months after the accident was whether I would ever be normal again. The ministry of DDC helped me see that my version of normal and God’s version of normal were vastly different, but His plan for our family was better than mine.
You may also be interested in reading Stephanie’s guest post entitled Christ Is Relevant: Back to School.